I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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