It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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