i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
