my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
