Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
