Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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