tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
