he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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