We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
