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Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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