I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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