I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
