wrigley field is MILF paradise
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
did you just send me my own nude
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
