he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
