So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
