pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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