i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
