I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
