the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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