Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize