I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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