these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
