Soap is not a condiment
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
