In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
