I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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