so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
