The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
