I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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