just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
