Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
