Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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