Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We are all done wearing pants today
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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