READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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