Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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