mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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