worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Randomize
