OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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