FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
