mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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