I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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