This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
