Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
