I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
