I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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