i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
