Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
