I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
