i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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