The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
