omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
