Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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