Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Redeem this text for a blowjob
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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