I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I am mentally ready for anal.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
