I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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