College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
