Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
