pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
