just tell him i said nine months
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
