Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
