Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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