I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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