The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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