on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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