i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
