considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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