dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you didnt know i had herpes?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
