Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
