I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
